Alas, no. My grandfather really did that. The lie was, unfortunately, number 2. I was supposed to go to IREX back in December, but that was torpedoed last minute by the company president.

1. I own and wear a set of WWII dog tags, complete with a can opener. Whenever I am operating heavy machinery at work, I tuck them under my shirt, so that they don't get caught in the machine and strangle me. I have them on a silver chain that was bought for me by my parents for my 21st birthday. I also wear my silver wedding ring and a silver Star of David on the same chain. I used to actually wear my wedding ring on my finger, but, since I'm left handed, that resulted in the ring almost getting lost in the guts of one of our display demos during a trade show.

2. I used to take Tai Kwon Do as a kid. I was very aggressive at sparring, to the point where they made me spar against older students who were at least two full belt ranks above me. I sparred against red belts as a yellow belt, and black belts as a green belt. The reason they did that was because I would constantly pummel people of the same age and rank as me, so I had to fight against opponents with more skills and longer arms and legs to make it somewhat fair. I lost more than I won, but hey, I actually managed to win sometimes. I could never attend the tournaments, because they were always on my Sabbath, which sucks. I lost interest shortly before my 13th birthday, after failing the test to get my blue belt. That was part of my first bout of depression in the immediate aftermath of my paternal grandmother's death.

3. I once got food poisoning from my own cooking. I was in Detroit for a trade show, and there are no kosher restaurants out there, so I had to bring my own food. I made lasagna. My coworker and I drove out to Detroit, and had all my food in a cooler, to make sure it wouldn't spoil. I got to the hotel, and my food was all still cold. I put it in the hotel's fridge, which felt like it was cold, but that's because it was the middle of August, and it was over 90F outside, so everything felt cold in comparison. Turns out, the fridge was broken, and I ate spoiled lasagna the following day. I felt horrible the entire drive home (luckily, my coworker was driving). We finally got back to the office, and I still had to drive home from there. The drive home took about 45 minutes. I walked in my front door, headed straight to the bathroom, and puked my guts out. I did not go to work the following day, had a very miserable weekend, and still did not return to work the following Monday.

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